11 comments«123»Anonymous readerReport 2009-01-15 17:44:15Is his name jack or jeffREADERReport 2008-12-30 21:02:39Yes,you’ve gotten some pointers.NOW,write some more.eiggahReport 2008-11-30 15:13:31sweet story mmmwordytomReport 2008-10-25 21:03:17Two things:
1. Tamil sex film you have room to grow in the next couple of chapters, and i look forward to reading them.«123» If you brought the feelings of the characters into the story more it would help. 11 comments«123»Anonymous readerReport 2009-01-15 17:44:15Is his name jack or jeffREADERReport 2008-12-30 21:02:39Yes,you’ve gotten some pointers.NOW,write some more.eiggahReport 2008-11-30 15:13:31sweet story mmmwordytomReport 2008-10-25 21:03:17Two things:
1. 2. Use more prose when you describe the settings. 11 comments«123»Anonymous readerReport 2009-01-15 17:44:15Is his name jack or jeffREADERReport 2008-12-30 21:02:39Yes,you’ve gotten some pointers.NOW,write some more.eiggahReport 2008-11-30 15:13:31sweet story mmmwordytomReport 2008-10-25 21:03:17Two things:
1. you have room to grow in the next couple of chapters, and i look forward to reading them.«123»
